Arguments happen every day. Unfortunately, some fights can often occur multiple times between the same people. Two persons may be dealing with the same problem over and over without ever figuring out the root cause of it, which can be pretty exhausting on anyone’s energy.
If you are familiar with that situation and interested in genuinely working it out, getting a counsellor might help. Professionals can help walk you through different elements of the argument and help you understand one another better. Here’s an overview of the main elements to concern yourself with:
Each person in an argument has their own personality and behaviour. They also come with their own preconditions that make them get angry, stressed or annoyed. Some of these can be rather common, such as being in pain or feeling stressed. Others may seem quite specific and less ordinary, such as pet peeves with interruptions, lying, micromanaging, and more.
Most people may have been born with these preconditions, while others developed them throughout their lives in a particular environment. There are people who may have had these preconditions way before they even met the person they’re having an argument with.
Just like how some people have their preconditions before an argument, they also have their own values as well. The concepts that one upholds, like family, time, and loyalty, can very influential to the conversation. If a pair has divergent values where they can’t see eye to eye on something, it can really add fuel to the fire.
The problem of an argument is probably the most essential element to identify. It’s important to ask in an argument about what exactly both people are fighting about. There are times when a dispute can branch out and go so far that people tend to forget the root cause of the argument. Clearly answer the question: “Why are we fighting?”
An argument can be repeated, but it often occurs after one gets triggered by different things at the end of the day. Triggers can range from rude gestures to hurtful comments that tend to make a person respond in an abrasive manner. They can occur at the start of the argument and even during the conversation, depending on one’s sensitivity and habits.
There’s usually a point where the height of the argument will take place, and an emotional threat seems to jut out in one’s mind. Words or actions can spark a rush of adrenaline, which is similar to how triggers work. This response is amplified as the body decides between fight or flight. A person may also freeze depending on how they’re inclined to react.
How intense the conversation is also something that a pair should gauge. One person may find that the fight is quite passive, while another will feel overwhelmed with various emotions. People respond differently depending on how they perceive the intensity of an argument to be, and it’s important to get on the same page if you want to understand one another.
It can take a mental toll on the pair involved if arguments aren’t resolved. There are even times when your actual heart rate and blood pressure go up as a result of the fight, affecting your physical well-being. Don’t be afraid to work on it.
Looking for counselling services in Cambridge, Ontario? Chettiar Counselling therapists will provide support for anger management, relationships issues, parenting support, separation, divorce, and other issues that you need to navigate. Reach out for a no-cost phone consultation.