Understanding the Peter Pan Syndrome: What to Know

people sitting cross legged talking

Everybody loved Peter Pan as a child. Who doesn’t dream of living in the fantastic world of Never-Never Land and never grow up? But how would you deal with someone you love or yourself is living like Peter Pan in our real world?

Peter Pan syndrome may not be a clinical diagnosis because of the wide range of symptoms that it’s hard to classify them all as such. It could be that 45-year old colleague of yours who dresses like she’s in her early teens. Or perhaps your 30-year-old brother who refuses to leave your parents’ home and find a stable job. 

When someone is uncomfortable with the responsibilities that come with “adulting,” they can hold onto things that they identify as part of their childhood and refuse to move forward. 

Therapy can provide help for people who are experiencing this, to uncover the root of the issue and help them transition towards living as an adult with real responsibilities. During this pandemic, online counselling can be done one-on-one with the person showing signs of Peter Pan syndrome. 

If this is something you or your loved one can benefit from, continue to read and learn more about Peter Pan syndrome:

What Causes Peter Pan Syndrome?

There’s little research on Peter Pan Syndrome because it’s still not clinically recognized as an actual diagnosis. That said, here are some of the things that could potentially cause failure to launch:

Anxiety: The thought of taking on the challenges of adulthood can be more than what some people can handle. In fact, having to earn a living, taking care of a child, struggling to reach success, and more can make people anxious.

Fear of Commitment: Most of the time, Peter Pan syndrome is seen in people who couldn’t commit to a real relationship. They may have multiple partners, often way younger than they are, and they bolt at the earliest hint of the other person getting serious. 

Helicopter Parenting: Yes, sometimes parents overdo it. When they overprotect, dote, and spoil their children, they could instill in them the want to stay in that convenient way of living forever. They may even lack the skills they need to be productive adults because their parents have been doing everything for them their whole life. 

Fear of Loneliness: When someone fears loneliness, they tend to cling on to someone who takes care of them, and they inadvertently become dependent.

It’s worth noting that having what others think as “childish” interests like playing games, collecting toys, and comic books are not in any way a cause of Peter Pan syndrome. Failure to launch has more to do with one’s refusal to take on adult responsibilities and committing to relationships. 

How to Tell If Someone Has Peter Pan Syndrome

If someone who is of age and capable of working refuses to find a job or couldn’t last, their jobs might be causing Peter Pan syndrome, and so is someone who refuses to do their supposed roles in a household. For instance, if your husband doesn’t work but also doesn’t do any chores at home, nor take care of your children, then he might have this syndrome as well. 

An adult who relies on their parents for financial support and still lives with them is someone likely suffering from the Peter Pan syndrome. While these symptoms can surely manifest in women, the syndrome is more prevalent with men primarily when raised by a mother or doted on by a partner with a “Wendy” complex. 

Conclusion

It can be hard for a person to recognize that they have Peter Pan syndrome, mainly because they don’t see anything wrong with the symptoms associated with it. Most of them will only realize there’s a problem when they start losing the people who used to support them. However, getting yourself or your loved one to try video counselling with a therapist can significantly help! 

If the person with Peter Pan syndrome is your partner, you might want to consider online counselling in Guelph, ON, with Chettiar Counselling & Associates. Try our no-cost phone consultation today to see how we can help!