Healthy Ways to Deal with a Partner's Stonewalling

Relationship issues are always tricky to deal with because it can be challenging to address their roots without the help of professionals. One of the most common problems that couples face is stonewalling, which is a type of behaviour that involves evading particular topics or refusing to respond to them. You may notice it in yourself or your partner, and it’s best to learn how to deal with it before it worsens and dominates the relationship you share.

While stonewalling is a problem in itself, it usually signals other issues in a relationship, such as defensiveness and contempt. It’s a bad habit that significantly hinders clear and open communication that’s vital in any relationship. Men are more likely to stonewall than women, but this defensive behaviour is not exclusive to any gender.

Why Is Stonewalling Harmful?

Stonewalling is a defence mechanism that a person displays when they feel significant distress—it may appear healthy for the individual to avoid things that stress them out. Still, it damages the relationship when it occurs too often. If stonewalling behaviours are left unchecked, they may cause communication issues, fallouts, and marital conflicts—all of which can destabilize and jeopardize the relationship. 

What Are the Signs of Stonewalling?

Stonewalling individuals often tune out, act busy, walk away, change topics, or keep quiet when being addressed or even asked questions. Refusal to communicate or cooperate can signal that a person is displaying this behaviour.

Dealing with Stonewalling

Once you’ve identified the signs of stonewalling, it’s essential to know some healthy ways to deal with the issue. Here are some ways to handle it:

1 - Recognize Your Own Behaviours

If you see signs of stonewalling in your partner, it’s best not to aggravate the problem or react to situations with judgment, condescension, aggression, and hostility. Continuously attacking your partner is counterproductive and only encourages them to engage in stonewalling. Provide compassion and let them know that you’re ready to discuss whenever they’re ready.

It’s best to remember that you are likely not the problem, and your partner just feels overwhelmed by a specific issue. Do not attempt to force anything out of them, and let them ask for help when they feel like it.

If you’re the one stonewalling, it’s vital to understand how the behaviour affects your partner. Keep engaging to the best of your ability and express that you want to communicate when you’re ready.

2 - Invest in Some Self-Care

It’s easy to lose yourself in an effort to get your partner to communicate with you, and you might squeeze out all of your best efforts just to remain welcoming, positive, and supportive. While this can help make things easier for your partner, it’s also best to address your own needs.

Make sure to take care of yourself once in a while and keep yourself relaxed with your hobbies and other enjoyable activities. Doing so will help you clear your mind and prevent negativity from consuming you.

3 - Seek Professional Help

If the stonewalling problem becomes too difficult to face, it’s best to look into couples counselling. With an experienced counsellor, you’ll have a neutral third party that can guide both of you towards healthier behaviours and a more functional relationship. These professionals can help you deal with stonewalling and other underlying issues.

Seek Couples Counselling Near Cambridge, ON

Stonewalling is a defensive behaviour that can strain a relationship when left unaddressed. Keep this guide in mind as you recognize the signs of this issue and learn how to deal with it in healthy ways.

If you’re looking for couples counselling near Cambridge, ON, Chettiar Counselling & Associates has you covered. We’ll provide you and your partner with the support and guidance you need to address underlying personal issues and keep your relationship healthy. Contact us for a no-cost phone consultation today.