Strategies to have a better relationship with your kids

A strong parent-child relationship is thebest way to stay connected with your kids during all stages of their life. Butparenting is a tough and time-consuming job and you may not have time to sit downand engage with them as often as you would like. Ongoing stress in parent-child relationship can contribute to negative attention seeking behaviors and emotionalregulation issues. Connecting with your children can offer a solid foundation fortheir emotional wellness and better the relationship that you have with.

But how do you connect with your children or teens emotionally?

1) Invest time and effort

If you want to develop emotional intimacywith your children, spare the time and make a conscious effort to engage withthem.

• Unplug from all forms of distractions—work, house chores, technology, and anything else that will prevent you from being in the moment with them.
• Look directly in their eyes when communicating with them. This shows that you are truly listening, and your full attention is on them.
• Ask questions that will lead the conversation to deeper aspects of your child's true self.

• What can we do to support you in this situation?
• What makes you feel happy?
• What are you angry or sad about?
• What is making you feel scared?
• What are the activities you enjoy a lot?

2) Engage in their interests

It's not enough to simply ask the rightquestions. The steps you take after you learn the answers can make a hugedifference.

If your child tells you that one of theirgreatest joys is to watch their favorite music band live, show an interest inthat band. If you really want to know who your children are, you need to beinterested in their life.

3) Express your emotions with your children

What better way to show your children how tobe emotionally intimate with you than to do the same with them? Lead by example.

When you share your emotions, your childrenwill feel safer sharing their emotions with you regardless if they experiencepositive or negative feelings. If you're willing to be vulnerable emotionally,they will reciprocate. Just be mindful that if they are emotionally flooded,their emotional regulation support is the priority. Once they are calm, youwill have an opportunity to discuss your feelings.

4) Create a safe space for your children to express themselves emotionally

Every time they're angry, depressed, or disappointed,ask them what they need from you or how you can provide them support.

Don't demand that they tell you what thematter is or blurt out “what's wrong with you?” This is the quickest way tocreate a judgmental and controlling space, something that is sure to make yourchildren close off from you.

5) Ask your children what they want to do

As a parent, you have a lot more life experiencethan your children and so you are more likely to direct them towards what youthink they need.

But your real job is to guide them andscaffold their decision-making process. So, ask them questions to betterunderstand their thought process, and then share helpful options that theycould consider. If they don’t select any of these options, sometimes they needto experience natural consequences as part of their learning.

Teens are especially resistant if they'retold what to do because they naturally want to become more independent. Thebest recourse is to ask, and then provide guidance.

Start now…

Develop emotional intimacy with your kidswhile they’re still young, and they’ll let you in on every stage of their life.This connection will be the foundation of your relationship with them.

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