How to Properly Deal with Criticism from Your Partner

Learning how to deal with criticism is an important process for everyone because of how integral it is in life. Whether at work, at home, on the field, or in friend groups, taking constructive comments and make the most out of them can make the difference between growth and recession.

While you’re already used to dealing with criticism at work or even with close friends, there’s one place it can come from that will throw you off guard: your partner. 

A Common Relationship Challenge

By now, you’ve had your fair share of run-ins with your partner wherein things got tough after they brought up a concern they had about you. These situations leave many people confused about how they’re supposed to respond. 

Whenever you find yourself on the receiving end of criticism, you’re bound to end up asking yourself all sorts of thoughts, such as: 

• “My partner complained about me, and I don’t know how to respond.”
• “I don’t think my partner fully understood what they were talking about when they criticized me for something out of my control.”
• “Although I was expecting a normal discussion after my partner criticized me and I decided to raise some points of my own, the conversation blew up in my face instead—what gives?”

In times like these, where COVID-19 has forced many to stay in their homes, concerns about partner-to-partner criticism have become especially prevalent. Unfortunately, unhealthy communication habits can take over and mess things up, leading to worsened situations, missed opportunities for growth, and disappointments. 

Dealing with Criticism from Your Partner

When dealing with criticism from a partner, the person taking the brunt of the comments must learn how to respond better. Proper communication amid mild tension is vital because it’s one of the best things that can be done to improve a relationship.

If you want to make the most out of the valid points raised and prevent things from snowballing into more issues, it’s crucial to change how you react. This way, you can improve your relationship dynamic immensely. Over time, in fact, good practices can yield dividends in terms of strengthening the bond you have with your partner or spouse while minimizing the risks of avoidable issues. 

Putting Lessons into Practice

Defensiveness is a common response when dealing with criticism from a partner, and this is something that should be kept under control. It is fully natural to feel this way, but this knee-jerk reaction can inhibit the necessary process of understanding your partner’s feelings. And if you can’t keep your defensiveness under control, it can result in what many consider as communication problems that cause many relationships to fail.

At Chettiar Counselling & Associates, we urge our clients and patients to face spousal criticism by putting pride aside and making criticism a matter of collaboration instead of competition. This means looking past the sometimes-harsh words and opting to hear things out instead, which can be best done by asking oneself these questions: 

• “Am I in a good place to hear what my partner is saying so I can understand their message to me?”
• “What can I do to de-escalate tension rather than intensify it?”
• “How can I soothe myself so I can stay calm?”
• “Can I hear the complaint without complaining back or getting defensive?”

If you ask yourself these questions before responding to a complaint or criticism from your partner, you can initiate an effective and productive dialogue with them. Of course, such an approach is easier said than done—but with enough practice, you’ll mature and develop well enough to curtail your defensiveness.

Conclusion

As painful or frustrating as it may be to hear criticisms or complaints from your partner, the health and growth of your relationship greatly depend on how you react. By having the necessary degree of control in place, your harmful tendencies can be culled, and your best self will shine through and steer things on course.

Are you a resident of the Guelph, Kitchener, Waterloo, or Cambridge areas experiencing communication problems and relationship stress with your partner? Reach out to us for couples counselling today.